I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
