In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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