What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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