I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
