doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
