I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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