I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize