Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
