I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am mentally ready for anal.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
