just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
