Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
