Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
