You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
