I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
