Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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