We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
