just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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