I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
