either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
