you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
