ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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