He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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