Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
