So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
