Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize