Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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