I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
