and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
