I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
