Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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