youre lurking in front of me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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