omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
