apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
True strength comes from lack of pants
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
