some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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