Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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