If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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