Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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