all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
