It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
