I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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