if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
