don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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