I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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