I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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