I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
