Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
