Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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