Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
