whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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