Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
