there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
