So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
