You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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