i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
