I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i think my cat just said my name.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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