Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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