You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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