He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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