What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
