I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
